you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
