Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize