Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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