worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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