I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
