I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need to sanitize my soul.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
