Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize