if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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