I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
