quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
