If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
