See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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