the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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