Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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