your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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