I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
