I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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