You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
