My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
