i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
