i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
