OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
