Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Will exercising make me less horny?
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