Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
