I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
