im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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