thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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