I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
