Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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