You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
