I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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