I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
