I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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