you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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