my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
