if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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