My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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