I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
