I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
