I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
