this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
