I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
