If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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