do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
