Don't EVER smell your tampon
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
