Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
