a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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