Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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