Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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