Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
