he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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