There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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