Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
