If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
