Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
