Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
