paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
now i know why i became what i already was.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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