Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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