I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
