Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.