so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
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Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
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Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!