it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.