Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.