i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
