i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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