I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
