Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
