so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize